Feeling the same things over and over again

Today 15th August 2010

Indian Independence Day

Today morning when i woke up i felt an strange pain in my heart. It was not any kind of muscle pain or any sort of heart pain

This pain was different . Something which is bothering me. Something which is killing me from deep Inside.

it was that kind of feeling like something precious something valuable something price less is lost for ever from me...

But why again. ?? I lost Rai way back . Theres nothing new.

From the day i fell in love with her My day starts thinking about her

My day passes thinking about her

My day ends thinking about her.

Still now. That we are not together any more

 I love her like anything

...

but Why that awkward pain. that pain is still persisting now.

i dont know why.

I called her in the afternoon

as usual she didn pick up the phone. that increased my uneasy pain more and more

it was 2 :14 pm i called her 

then i called her again at 2 30 pm

No answer..

 i text her 

"when i woke  up today. I felt smthng strange.May be i overthink things way to much. But i think that.... chaddo jaane do bolke kaya faida?"

that sms got delivered . i sent her that sms on 2:45 pm 

its 5 23 pm now...

No reply...

hmmmm....

i was having suicidal tendencies again...

DAAAMN IT GOD KNOWS WHY I HAVE THESE.

 TO BE HONEST MY HEART WAS BEATING SO FAST IT FELT LIKE IT WILL EXPLODE ANY SECOND NOW....

River of sorrow --- ha ha what a name :) sometimes i feel my parents named me rite 

"Nilanjan" which means "Blue eyes" that also signifies "eyes always filled with tears as blue signifies water and tear means water "