Cant say Goodbye

I cant say Goodbye

Inspite of seeing and realizing my heart is gettinh hurt more and more by thinking abt her

I cant say goodbye

U know Why?

Coz she is the one whom i love vry much

Its not that i dont realize i cant have her back anymore

I cant say goodbye;

Atleast we hav the minimum of sms chats :( now

it has been a long time i heard her voice

i feel my breath is becoming heavier day by day

and the day may soon arrive 

That its is to the world i would say Goodbye

Missing You

I miss you

You are my life

I cant live without you

You are my oxygen

Without you i will die

I simply Love You

Your love is a drug

It makes me high

I makes my head spin wild

It makes me hallucinate

It makes me love you more

I just love you

Feeling the same things over and over again

Today 15th August 2010

Indian Independence Day

Today morning when i woke up i felt an strange pain in my heart. It was not any kind of muscle pain or any sort of heart pain

This pain was different . Something which is bothering me. Something which is killing me from deep Inside.

it was that kind of feeling like something precious something valuable something price less is lost for ever from me...

But why again. ?? I lost Rai way back . Theres nothing new.

From the day i fell in love with her My day starts thinking about her

My day passes thinking about her

My day ends thinking about her.

Still now. That we are not together any more

 I love her like anything

...

but Why that awkward pain. that pain is still persisting now.

i dont know why.

I called her in the afternoon

as usual she didn pick up the phone. that increased my uneasy pain more and more

it was 2 :14 pm i called her 

then i called her again at 2 30 pm

No answer..

 i text her 

"when i woke  up today. I felt smthng strange.May be i overthink things way to much. But i think that.... chaddo jaane do bolke kaya faida?"

that sms got delivered . i sent her that sms on 2:45 pm 

its 5 23 pm now...

No reply...

hmmmm....

i was having suicidal tendencies again...

DAAAMN IT GOD KNOWS WHY I HAVE THESE.

 TO BE HONEST MY HEART WAS BEATING SO FAST IT FELT LIKE IT WILL EXPLODE ANY SECOND NOW....

River of sorrow --- ha ha what a name :) sometimes i feel my parents named me rite 

"Nilanjan" which means "Blue eyes" that also signifies "eyes always filled with tears as blue signifies water and tear means water "

No more Photography No more Sorrow

Other than cursing my life i am also interested in photography a lot


Well now i am totally out of photography now as i cant concentrate on it any more
Here are some of my Pics

Dew drops on the leaves or tear drops??

 The sun sets forever leaving my life dark and dull

This pic was too taken on the last day when i touched my camera

Darkness overpowering happiness:)

Everything is now colorless without her green is fading from my life

"Getting Back together????" ha ha ha Some one please pinch me :)

Hi friends!
last time i told you guys that i didn get any sms from her ! Big deal Who cares ! Why will i hurt myself for some one else when that person dose not care for me a bit.

I dont remember the date but it was some about 2 weeks ago . I was at gym .
Got a text
It was a facebook message from rai
" what was that in your blog?"


I went home logged in to FB
well i replied her and asked her " Why i didn get you "
and all that


Well after so mane weeks i would say 1 month she remembered me and thought i exist
So according to her she missed me so she saw my profile and hence saw the blog


That i came to know a few days back.

well back to facebook message
soon the environment was kind of Sentimental kind 
as she is mourning and says she wants to end her life and all
coz of some family problems

well  I CANT TAKE THESE THINGS SERIOUSLY ANY MORE
the reason which she gave for DUMPING ME  was false yes her mom did see her texts but that was not the issue
which she didn tell me..
she said her problems to me
which i will NOT write here
as i promised her that i wont even share it with anyone
i know how to keep someones trust so i didn tell....


from that day we are kind of talking again(STILL VIA SMS MIND IT).
I wont call her any more coz she dosen pick up....
IF SHE FEELS LIKE SHE WANTS TO TALK WITH ME SHE WILL PICK UP
THATS IT
PLAIN AND SIMPLE....
I AM NOT TAKEN FOR GRANTED
My heart is now dead has no feelings. Now my mind is the controller of my emotions


so as we talked i realized that she kind of hav the feelings for me as it was on 30th may.Thats what she told me.


u wanna hear my version
all this month there was no contact from her now she  all of a sudden started texting  me
i loved her love her and will always love her

ya its   true my heart is alive again
and it relly wants to get back with her again at least ask her..
Please forgive my heart
"Dil toh baccha hai :)"
What he dosen understand that he will again face the same pain again again
List of  Pains(problems)
1. less talk by phone and more text and chat( i love her voice and she cant talk even if she talks i hav to 1st sms her "can i cal you?" if she says YES then i will call her 
if i call her just like that  then NO REPLY


2. we didn meet a single time during our relation
that i guess you know


....
may be she has problems in life i agree that that she has problems at her home and all that..


but still my MIND CAN NEVER THINK OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER/(requesting her to get back together)


Nilanjan didn dump Rai
its the opposite.
So why will I ask her
it will sound like that i broke up with her and now want to get back together


If she asks that i may ...
but theres least possibility of that
so forget it that neal and rai are together again


bye for now
Toodles(as rai likes to say)


So i would like to say "Getting Back together????" ha ha ha  Some one please pinch me :)
P.S : i will never stop loving her:)